is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
