Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
