there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
