wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
