Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
