I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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