life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
