ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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