we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
