Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
