Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
