1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
