you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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