SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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