"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
