So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
