I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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