I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
