sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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