in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
