i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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