SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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