Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We left an ass print on the piano.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
