You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
