Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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