Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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