just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
