I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
