I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
