So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
