Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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