he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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