White coat. Heels.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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