These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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