i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
