I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
