the day after is always just damage control
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry