Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
