so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.