Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.