We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.