I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU