My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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