please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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