i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
