EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
