i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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