and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I pour the whiskey from now on
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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