...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
