I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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