is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
