He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
