so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
