Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize