I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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