You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
