I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
