White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
