We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
