We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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