She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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