We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
