I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
