I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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