RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
