I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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