Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
