Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
