the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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