can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
