whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
