Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
