are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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