I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
