Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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