I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
