you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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