Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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