Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
