Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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