Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize