you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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