DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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